its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
