Midget sex pt 2 tonight
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
