I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
And then he peed in my hair
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