i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
this boner is exhausting
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize