and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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