She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
