last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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