well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We just shotgunned beers for America
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
