Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize