Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize