actually, I'm a sock model
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
