I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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