im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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