its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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