He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
