Dude my mom stole all your condoms
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
