Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
