Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
