I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize