In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We are two peas in an std pod
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
