I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
