I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
