you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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