i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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