dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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