Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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