if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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