Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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