You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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