I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
