A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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