Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
