I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
