I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
