Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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