I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
