it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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