honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
FUCK WHALES
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize