Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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