You really coming over, don't trick.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
