Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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