He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
