End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Panties = found
Randomize
