I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
