I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
