I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
