the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
do nipples grow back?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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