I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
