I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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