My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
