god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You've changed since you got that strap on
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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