i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
