alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
