Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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