Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
3pm strippers are depressing
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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