So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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