This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
