You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize