mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
