Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
