I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My butt remains clenched, sir.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize