apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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