i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
