Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
