thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so let's talk penis.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
