You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
