just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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