We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
