Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
