I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He did a backflip because drugs
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
