Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
