So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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