I hate all girls vehemently.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
