i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
