Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize