what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
