What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
