Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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