No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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