I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
