those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize