If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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