Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
