she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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