I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Four minutes until I can fart!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
