I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
