Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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