ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Alive.
So much puke
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
