Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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