you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
