Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
