You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
