my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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