I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
