The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
