Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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