i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
