cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
