I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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