I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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