her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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