she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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