WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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