Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
