Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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