1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
