The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize