I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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