Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
