the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize