i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
