we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Randomize
