last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She just used a chaser for red wine.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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