My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
