ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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