in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
