so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
