I just saw a hot homeless man
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize