So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
