OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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