I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
