i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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