i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
