I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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