My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
