pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
