Umm I'm too high to move.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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