I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
